just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize