matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
