I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
