So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
