i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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