I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
pray to the hookup gods
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
