I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
