I think i peed on brittanys purse
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
