so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
