haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
