I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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