He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just forgot I was standing up.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
