she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
