Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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