How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
