No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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