yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Pants are for mortals
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
