His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
