College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
