You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
