doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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