Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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