My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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