she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
the raccoons are back...
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