I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
