Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
