Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want her autograph on my taint
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
