its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
