please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
