Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
