You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
