Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize