just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
