Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
