I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
