Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
