Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
