Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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