i just wanna soil my oats bro
are you so shy because you have an std?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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