"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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