sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
