i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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