next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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