i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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