Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
