Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
