so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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