dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize