I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
