Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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