break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
