There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
