Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
