Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize