4 words: hood of his car
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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