she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
