How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
