how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
