yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
