I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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