i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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