I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
