i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
