Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
