And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
