i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
