yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
