Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
