as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize