He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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