dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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